Luke Wilson character Cpl. "Average Joe" Bauers/"Not Sure"
Maya Rudolph character Rita
Dax Shepard character Frito Pendejo
Terry Crews character President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
Anthony 'Citric' Campos character Secretary of Defense
David Herman character Secretary of State
Sonny Castillo character Prosecutor
Kevin McAfee character Bailiff
Robert Musgrave character Sgt. Keller
Michael McCafferty character Officer Collins
Christopher Ryan character Hospital Technician
Justin Long character Dr. Lexus
Heath Jones character Cop #1
Eli Muñoz character Horny Guy
Patrick Fischler character Yuppie Husband
Darlene Hunt character Yuppie Wife
Ryan Ransdell character Trashy Guy
Melissa Sweet character Slutty Girl
Valerie Posas character New Slutty Girl
Wes Davis character Trashy Teen Jock
Andrew Wilson character Beef Supreme
Mark Tuner character Officer
Kevin Klee character Main Character (Ow! My Balls! Guy)
John Dodson character Additional Officer
Melissa Espinales character Counter Woman
Joseph Cheatham character Doctor in Waiting Room
Jason Schaefer character Prison Guard #1 / Costco Greeter
Richard Reeder character Prison Guard #2
Lawrence Castillo character Prison Guard #3
Turk Pipkin character Guy at Costco
Heather Kafka character Woman at Carl's Jr.
Christopher M. Campos character Congressman #1
Roman Ramos character Congressman #2
Randal Reeder character Secret Service Thug
Scarface character Upgrayedd
Brendan Hill character Secretary of Energy
Thomas Haden Church character Brawndo CEO
Melissa Dawn character Female Newscaster
Derek Southers character Male Newscaster
Lidia Porto character Female Reporter
Gregory Kelly character Stadium Guard
Greg Pitts character Cameraman
Jason Konopisos character Cop at Government Center
Mitch Baker character Doctor
Daniel Smith character Control Room Director
Chris Warner character Cop at Costco
Lonnie Nelson character Trapped Man
Danny Cochran character Secretary of Education
Marcos Martinez Rios character Secret Service Thug #2
Earl Mann character Narrator (voice)
Sara Rue character Attorney General (uncredited)
Evan Miller character Charles Chaplin (uncredited)
Heath Allyn character Prisoner (uncredited)
Erik Anderson character Angry Court Member (uncredited)
Jason Bohn character Hospital Patient (uncredited)
Glori Renee Euwer character Museum Visitor (uncredited)
Evelyn Hurley character One of Upgrayedd's Ladies (uncredited)
Kristoffer Kjornes character Guitar Army (uncredited)
Max Kruemcke character Townsperson (uncredited)
T.J. McFarland character Old Man (uncredited)
Jesse Medeles character Peterson (uncredited)
James Moreno character Front Row Juror (uncredited)
Dan Murphy character Congressman (uncredited)
Steve Powers character Townsperson (uncredited)
Stephen Root character Judge Hector "The Hangman" (uncredited)
Lainie Safady character President Camacho's Groupie (uncredited)
Ava Knighten Santana character President Camacho's Groupie (uncredited)
Kati Sharp character Townsperson (uncredited)
Michael Sorrells character Party Guest (uncredited)
Gary Teague character Townsperson (uncredited)
Curtis Wayne character Amusement Park Patron (uncredited)
Caitlin Wehrle character President Camacho's Groupie (uncredited)
Heath Young character Townsperson (uncredited)
